You’ve been in a situation like this before, right? You’ve been chatting with customer service for at least an hour. This is the third person you’ve been passed to, the third time you’ve had to explain that you can’t log into the service provider’s app to start your phone service because you just bought a new phone to replace the old phone that doesn’t work anymore. The customer service representative types, “I am so sorry that you have been having trouble logging into the app. That is truly not the experience we want you to have and for that, I apologize deeply and sincerely.”
Is that apology really that deep or sincere? It’s hard to convey emotion via text, sure, but it’s easy to imagine that line being delivered in person in a robotic, monotonous voice devoid of emotion. It comes off as scripted because it probably is. You’re already frustrated, and rather than easing your frustration and making you feel heard, it only makes you more upset. Are they even listening? Does anyone actually want to help me?
That’s a frustrating experience. You’ve probably also had positive customer service interactions where the representative really does seem to be on your side. When you express anger or frustration over a malfunctioning product or a lost package, they react with real empathy, like it hurts them to see you mistreated. They feel your pain, they are your righteous avenger, and they will do whatever it takes to fix your problem and make your day better.
It’s not about the words they say but how they say them: based on your brief interaction with this person, you get the feeling that this is how they really talk and this is how they really express their emotions. The two customer service representatives are moving through the same flow chart, but the latter is actually listening to you and trying to understand you, and they’re able to respond to your problems in a way that feels genuine and eases your stress.
That’s emotional intelligence: making the customer feel like they’re right there with you, suffering beside you, and it’s you and them vs. whatever went wrong. People with high emotional intelligence are empathetic. They listen, feel the feelings of the person they’re listening to, and validate those feelings. They de-escalate tense situations with compassion and composure. They understand the communication style of the person they are talking to and adapt accordingly. They’re in touch with their own emotions and know how to regulate their emotional responses to stressful situations.
Emotional Intelligence Isn’t Fixed
It’s a common belief that you either are or are not “good with people,” that emotional intelligence is static and you either have it or you don’t. Like all other skills, emotional intelligence must be approached with a growth mindset, understanding that with practice and reflection, anyone can become a better listener, more empathetic, more in tune with their own emotions, more aware of their environment. Today, when people are angrier and more on edge than in recent memory, it’s important that people in customer-facing roles develop their emotional intelligence.
Just look at how volatile customer interactions have become since the pandemic. So many people were stuck at home for well over a year under very stressful conditions. Once they were able to rejoin society, their emotional intelligence, including social skills, empathy, and emotional regulation, had atrophied. It takes time and practice to build these skills back up again, and as the stress of everyday life mounts, working on becoming empathetic takes a back seat. What’s a beleaguered customer service representative to do?
Separate Yourself from the Anger
People are stressed out, and many walk around with that anger, sadness, and anxiety bottled up just to get through the day. When you keep your feelings bottled up like that, the pressure builds like a shaken-up bottle of soda, and you’re just waiting for someone to come twist your cap so you can let it all out in a messy explosion.
No matter how angry a customer gets, employees must not take it personally. Feel the customer’s anger and get upset with them—that is, alongside them, not at them. Emotionally intelligent people can redirect that anger away from people and toward the problem to be solved.
We’re in This Together
When you direct anger away from people and toward the situation, you demonstrate that you’re on the customer’s side. Doing this authentically requires listening, understanding verbal and nonverbal cues, and getting a sense for the customer’s communication style.
If you want to show someone that you’re on their side, validate their emotions. The customer might direct their anger at you personally because you represent the business they’ve had a bad experience with, but you can’t take that anger personally. You can, however, validate their feelings and show that you understand why they’re so upset.
Have you ever had an argument with a friend or partner, and when you expressed how you felt, they replied with, “It’s not a big deal”? That’s invalidating. If it’s a big deal to you, it should also be a big deal to them if they care about you, right? The first step to de-escalating conflict and turning an adversarial relationship into one in which you’re on the same side is to see the problem from their point of view.
Model Emotionally Intelligent Behavior
We all want to vent about unruly customers, but we have to balance that with our empathy and our recognition of the humanity of the other. Managers, senior staff, and other people in places of authority can give employees the space to vent in private, but they also must prevent these vent sessions from creating a pervasive atmosphere of “us vs. those rude and stupid customers.” Separate being from behavior and try to give people the benefit of the doubt. When someone says something like, “that guy was a real jerk,” reply with something like, “he was acting like a jerk. He must be having a bad day. You never know what people have going on in their lives.” In addition to finding positive ways to talk about difficult customer interactions, take time to reflect with employees on specific situations and imagine how difficult encounters could have gone differently.
Finding Employees With High Emotional Intelligence
Customer-facing work is difficult. It takes a lot out of you to do emotional labor. It strains your mood and your mental health the way physical labor strains your body and your physical health. While emotional intelligence can be learned, you’ll want your employees to exhibit some capacity for emotional intelligence from the start. MentorWerx provides assessment tools for everything from hiring to leadership development, strengthening your team at every stage of their career. When you use our pre-employment assessment or career guidance assessments, our experts will analyze the data and provide a comprehensive report and help you determine a candidate’s suitability for a customer service role.
