MentorWords

Why not?

Two year olds have it right. For everything they encounter, they ask why? Related to this behavioral characteristic is the dramatic learning curve of the young child. In fact, one sure sign of a healthy young intellect is the frequency with which they ask that question.

As we get older, we tend to ask why less often, and more quietly. Why is that? It could be because we are busier and have less time to ask. It could be because we are reluctant to expose our lack of knowledge. It could be because we’re not sure who to ask.

But it can’t be because we have less need of the question why.

Tempting though it may be to assume we ask why less often because we know so much more, that is not the true reason. Sure, we know more than a 2-year-old. But relative to how much we could know, how much we need to know, the question why is seriously underutilized by most adults. Imagine how your work and life might be transformed if you asked why more often:

The friendship that has been cooling ever so slightly over the past year may meet with a sudden revival if you paused and asked why.
If you asked why before every rote task, you may find that some could be significantly altered – or eliminated.
You may commit yourself more happily to a previously unloved activity once you examined the why of it.
You might set aside a limiting set of beliefs or ideas.
You could be pointed in a new direction
You may even confirm that the things you hold dear are worth every ounce of energy you invest in them.

I’m not sure how many times the average adult asks why in a day. I tracked my own behavior for several days (not easy by the way), and according to my best estimate, I was only asking why five-to-eight times each day. So I arbitrarily decided to ask why 30 times per day. The results? Funny, interesting, irritating (to my family, mostly), and somewhat exhausting.

In order to ask why 30 times per day, I had to ask why about some things to which I believed I knew the answers. In the beginning I was good about asking . . . but not much else. After a few days I realized I was glossing over the answers, to the absolute detriment of the experiment. When I began to evaluate the questions objectively, with some rigor, I began to experience some of the wonder – even joy – of the typical 2-year-old.

The results of this experiment will be as individual as the people who commit to it. But I am able to draw a few conclusions, even as I try to continue asking why 30 times per day.

The first conclusion is that much of what we believe to be correct or true is, in fact, open to questioning and interpretation. In some cases, the conditions which had contributed to my original conclusions no longer existed. In other cases, I suspect my original thinking was faulty, and in still others, I’m not sure I developed my own thinking in the first place – likely it was a “gift” from someone else.

The second conclusion is that we limit ourselves when we simply accept our usual answers as true. New people, relationships, ideas, practices, and opportunities reveal themselves, all silently hidden away behind the old ways of doing things.

My third conclusion is that I no longer possess the energy of a 2-year-old. Challenging oneself is exhausting and sometimes scary. The older we get, the more comfort we take in the idea that some things just are. Everything goes faster and smoother when you do it the way you always have.

But for injecting interest, new knowledge, and even excitement into your life, nothing else comes close to the (not so simple) act of asking why 30 times per day. And if that’s appealing to you, I suggest you give this experiment a try. But be forwarned – you may want to make sure you get a good night’s sleep first. Being constantly curious definitely requires a bit of extra energy.